Forgiveness

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Every Sunday evening, my family gets together with a few other families for a focused time of fellowship and food - for our bodies and souls.  One could call this a small group, missional community, bible study or even, church.

The past few weeks we've been going over the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) and it was these specific lines that lead me to do a post on forgiveness:

"Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors"

This could also read - sins, trespasses - but what does it really mean?  And what is FORGIVENESS really?  I have been wrestling with these 2 questions this week and the concept of forgiveness even longer.

In the Lord's Prayer, we are asking God to forgive us as we have forgiven those who have sinned/wronged us.  Wow . . . in as much as I forgive, I will be forgiven?!  That is a hard thought to process.  Read Matthew 6:14 - " For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."  And this is not the only time it is mentioned.  In Matthew 18:21,22, "Peter asks 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven'".  And then he proceeds to tell the parable of the king who forgave his servant a vast amount of debt, but then the servant proceeds to throw a fellow servant into prison for a much, much smaller amount of debt.  When the king hears of this, he becomes angry and has the first servant delivered to the torturers (!) until he can repay all of his debt.  (Matt. 18:23-34).  Then there is this in verse 35 - "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses".  

How can we, as mere humans forgive on this level?  


What sticks out to me about these verses?  They are not talking about forgiving our enemies - though there are plenty of those in God's Word - but forgiving our brothers and fellow servants .  I, personally, find it easy to forgive those I am not super close to.  It seems easier to me to forgive someone and offer them grace, see the situation through their eyes if they are not in close relationship to me.  It is so much more difficult to not let bitterness and unforgiveness build up when I have to interact with that person every day, when I see them not changing, when it hurts so much more because of our close relationship.  But not only does Christ call us to forgive our enemies, but our brothers (family), fellow servants (other Christ followers) . . . those we are close to.  Does this seem impossible to you?  If I'm being honest, it does to me!  But God has also given us His Spirit and tells us in Matthew 19:26 - "but with God all things are possible," and Jeremiah 32:17 - "There is nothing too hard for You."

First, what is forgiveness NOT?

Forgiveness is not the absence of angers at sin, forgiveness is not forgetting the wrong, forgiveness is not forgoing justice, forgiveness is not enabling and forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation, as that requires both sides participating.

So then, what IS forgiveness?

I found this series of articles - specifically 1,2,& 5 by Focus on the Family, extremely helpful and have pulled a few quotes out that really seemed to speak to me. (Note: these were written for those dealing with divorce/infidelity - this is NOT something my husband and I are working through and I pray for protection in our marriage regarding this - but the articles are very applicable to forgiveness and the process it is).

Most importantly, forgiveness is a PROCESS - it may happen overnight, it may not.  It may take days, weeks, months and even years to truly embrace forgiveness.

"Forgiveness is a gift of God's grace . . .  and we must give ourselves the grace our healing requires as we move forward to full forgiveness."

 Many times, a situation requires time, perspective, more information and rebuilding the relationship. I think that saying "I forgive" and trying to act as if everything is the same doesn't allows us to take the time to really be open to complete forgiveness.

"When we've been deeply wronged something inside yearns for justice. If we don't forgive, our desire for justice becomes revenge, subjecting us to the bondage of bitterness and self-righteousness. When we choose to forgive, the justice we seek is for the other person to feel our pain."

Wow, I don't know about you, but that hits the nail on the head.  Isn't that usually what I want - an acknowledgement and validation for what I am feeling and going through?!  But even if I don't get that "justice", I am still freed. When I forgive others I am released from the bondage unforgiveness can cause in my own life - bitterness, resentment,etc.

True forgiveness takes place when we release our hurt and let go of it, acknowledging that our spouse  is a fallen human being, who is perhaps doing the best he or she can with the limited resources in their emotional, relational, and spiritual arsenal. When we anchor our hearts on the rock of God's love, the forgiveness of our spouse enables us to release our pain into God's healing hands. As grace shatters the threat of growing bitterness, it plants the seeds of a more intimate relationship. 

Where does this lead me?  To this:

Forgiveness is releasing the person who wronged me - whether a spouse, friend, child, co-worker, etc. - and myself from the wages and bondage of sin (death) as God has released me! Forgiving someone doesn't place them in right standing with God, it places me in right standing with God! I think I need to hear that again :

Forgiving someone doesn't place them in right standing with God, it places me in right standing with God!

When Christ died for me and I accepted His free gift, I no longer had to pay the punishment for my sins - they are completely forgiven. I praise Him for that and pray that He will enable me to pass on that forgiveness to those around me.

Rita

Book Review: The Eagle Tree by Ned Hayes

I am a proud Amazon Prime member.  And what, you ask, does that have to do with a book review?  As an Amazon Prime member, I get first and free reads of The Kindle First Pick books!  (Read one of next month's new releases now for FREE as a benefit of your Amazon Prime membership.)!! 

In the month of April, this book, The Eagle Tree by Ned Hayes was on the list.  Honestly, what drew me to it was the cover.  I know, I know, never judge a book by it's cover . . . but I did and I am glad I did.  

                                              

I was not prepared for such a touching and engaging read.  The author must have had some very insightful experiences that enables him to so convincingly offer the first-person perspective of a 14 year old autistic boy.   As we meet and follow Peter March Wong, we seem him processing all that is going on around him as his home life is changing.   While he doesn't seem to quite grasp a lot of the reasons and effects of the transition, we can surmise a lot from what he does tell us.  The one thing that remains of steadfast importance are the trees. And it is from the trees, or should I say the tree-tops, that the plot of the story begins to take shape.  This journey that March is on, regarding the Eagle Tree, leads him on a personal journey to make sense of and interact with the world around him and those in it in a new and different way from how he has interacted in the past.

There are many other characters introduced in this story that surround March and play very important roles.  From his mother & uncle, to fellow students and other tree lovers, these characters are as important to March as the vast varieties of trees are to a forest.  March frequently discusses the roles each tree, regardless of variety, age or, even if it is dead or alive, play in the ecosystem and that is reflected by the importance and variety of the characters that surround March as he grows.

That said, there is a LOT of tree information.  Due to the character trait that March has - focusing obsessively on one topic - trees, I learned about tree growth, decay, death, the importance of trees on the world and much, much more.  I did like that about this book.  While I was following this engaging story, I was also learning something.  I enjoyed the way the author used a common trait of autistic children to convey a vast quantity of fairly specialized information.  

But what I learned most about, and has given me a fresh perspective on those with autism, those who have an autistic child and those who relate (especially those who relate well) to an autistic child, is the difficult beauty of autism.  True to many of the characteristics and traits of those with autism, March's perspective gave me insight into the mind of an autistic child and the conviction that someone with autism sees the world in a way that is different from those without, but that is wonderful on it's own.  

I would highly recommend this book.  It was an enjoyable read, with an insightful and compelling story, from a perspective I had never read from before. And it's coming out in May!  You can reserve your copy today ;)

Rita

A Mother's Calling - Part 2

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "

Part 2 in a series given to me by my own mother

Help Comes from God

God wants my heart 

When a child is born, his heart is quickly given over to those that love him.  It isn't hard for the child to trust, love and look to his mother.  So, as I look to God, my first love, the infant and child in the beginning looks to his mother, his first love.

Wouldn't it be good for each of us to read the above scripture everyday before relating to our children? I believe God wants our children to begin getting a glimpse of this kind of love through us.  So, as I am mothering my children, I must strive to show the love of 1 Corinthians 13 - which I can only have through the power of the Holy Spirit and Christ living in me.

Happiness in Jesus

I have and will be spending many years mothering my children. When am I most happy in Jesus?

• When I allow Him to order my life 
• When I enter into regular prayer and fellowship with Him
• When I allow myself to be dependent on Him
• When I am obedient to Him

When I allow Him to order my life: My child will function best in an orderly life as I do. With routine, he will learn what to expect and be able tor relax in it. Without routine, the child will not have the security he would otherwise have.  Through prayer, God can show me how to best set up my household so I may serve Him in raising my children and caring for my family.

When I enter into regular prayer and fellowship with Jesus, I can also commit my children to God daily, their spiritual and physical welfare.  In order to glorify God, I must be consistent in communicating with Him. Sometimes my children will see me doing this, and other times, God and I will meet alone.  There are occasions when I include my child in "meetings with God", impromptu and planned. 

I am happiest when I am dependent on God.  I, by an act of my will, have chosen to turn my life over to the God who created me.  My child is naturally dependent on my from birth through much of his childhood.  He is happy and secure in this dependency while learning responsibility.

Obedience to God brings joy.  I experience that joy when I am obedient.  My child must be taught obedience to experience joy. Obedience is taught through discipline. We must discipline out of love, not anger or impatience. It must be done in a way that the child will not be belittled or feel rejected. Through correction the child learns that he is capable of proper behavior and encouraged, even motivated, to do better. Correction must be done in such a way that the child does not question our love for him.

Ways of discipline for each child may differ and only our Lord can reveal the best way for each child and situation.  We will make mistakes but love (the kind we talked about in 1 Corinthians) will cover these mistakes.  It is important to remember that our sweet babies learn early to manipulate their parents. With that in mind: a)parents should make all decisions for the very young and still many as they get older, b) parents must be consistent (no matter how the day is going), c) parents must not avoid conflict, they must deal with it, d) parents must not expect too much or too little from their children.


What do I notice when I read this?  Freedom.  As odd as that sounds and as our culture says that dependency and obedience are opposite of freedom, I see freedom.  I am free to be the person God has created me to be and get my identity from Him when I am in relationship with Him, depend on Him and am obedient to what He is calling me to do in my life.  The same is true for my children.  They have the freedom to be themselves within the security and love of our relationship.