Every Sunday evening, my family gets together with a few other families for a focused time of fellowship and food - for our bodies and souls. One could call this a small group, missional community, bible study or even, church.
The past few weeks we've been going over the Lord's Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) and it was these specific lines that lead me to do a post on forgiveness:
"Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors"
This could also read - sins, trespasses - but what does it really mean? And what is FORGIVENESS really? I have been wrestling with these 2 questions this week and the concept of forgiveness even longer.
In the Lord's Prayer, we are asking God to forgive us as we have forgiven those who have sinned/wronged us. Wow . . . in as much as I forgive, I will be forgiven?! That is a hard thought to process. Read Matthew 6:14 - " For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." And this is not the only time it is mentioned. In Matthew 18:21,22, "Peter asks 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?' Jesus said to him, 'I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven'". And then he proceeds to tell the parable of the king who forgave his servant a vast amount of debt, but then the servant proceeds to throw a fellow servant into prison for a much, much smaller amount of debt. When the king hears of this, he becomes angry and has the first servant delivered to the torturers (!) until he can repay all of his debt. (Matt. 18:23-34). Then there is this in verse 35 - "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses".
How can we, as mere humans forgive on this level?
What sticks out to me about these verses? They are not talking about forgiving our enemies - though there are plenty of those in God's Word - but forgiving our brothers and fellow servants . I, personally, find it easy to forgive those I am not super close to. It seems easier to me to forgive someone and offer them grace, see the situation through their eyes if they are not in close relationship to me. It is so much more difficult to not let bitterness and unforgiveness build up when I have to interact with that person every day, when I see them not changing, when it hurts so much more because of our close relationship. But not only does Christ call us to forgive our enemies, but our brothers (family), fellow servants (other Christ followers) . . . those we are close to. Does this seem impossible to you? If I'm being honest, it does to me! But God has also given us His Spirit and tells us in Matthew 19:26 - "but with God all things are possible," and Jeremiah 32:17 - "There is nothing too hard for You."
Forgiveness is not the absence of angers at sin, forgiveness is not forgetting the wrong, forgiveness is not forgoing justice, forgiveness is not enabling and forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation, as that requires both sides participating.
So then, what IS forgiveness?
I found this series of articles - specifically 1,2,& 5 by Focus on the Family, extremely helpful and have pulled a few quotes out that really seemed to speak to me. (Note: these were written for those dealing with divorce/infidelity - this is NOT something my husband and I are working through and I pray for protection in our marriage regarding this - but the articles are very applicable to forgiveness and the process it is).
Most importantly, forgiveness is a PROCESS - it may happen overnight, it may not. It may take days, weeks, months and even years to truly embrace forgiveness.
"Forgiveness is a gift of God's grace . . . and we must give ourselves the grace our healing requires as we move forward to full forgiveness."
Many times, a situation requires time, perspective, more information and rebuilding the relationship. I think that saying "I forgive" and trying to act as if everything is the same doesn't allows us to take the time to really be open to complete forgiveness.
"When we've been deeply wronged something inside yearns for justice. If we don't forgive, our desire for justice becomes revenge, subjecting us to the bondage of bitterness and self-righteousness. When we choose to forgive, the justice we seek is for the other person to feel our pain."
Wow, I don't know about you, but that hits the nail on the head. Isn't that usually what I want - an acknowledgement and validation for what I am feeling and going through?! But even if I don't get that "justice", I am still freed. When I forgive others I am released from the bondage unforgiveness can cause in my own life - bitterness, resentment,etc.
True forgiveness takes place when we release our hurt and let go of it, acknowledging that our spouse is a fallen human being, who is perhaps doing the best he or she can with the limited resources in their emotional, relational, and spiritual arsenal. When we anchor our hearts on the rock of God's love, the forgiveness of our spouse enables us to release our pain into God's healing hands. As grace shatters the threat of growing bitterness, it plants the seeds of a more intimate relationship.
Where does this lead me? To this:
Forgiveness is releasing the person who wronged me - whether a spouse, friend, child, co-worker, etc. - and myself from the wages and bondage of sin (death) as God has released me! Forgiving someone doesn't place them in right standing with God, it places me in right standing with God! I think I need to hear that again :
Forgiving someone doesn't place them in right standing with God, it places me in right standing with God!
When Christ died for me and I accepted His free gift, I no longer had to pay the punishment for my sins - they are completely forgiven. I praise Him for that and pray that He will enable me to pass on that forgiveness to those around me.
Rita
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